Just got back from seeing “V For Vendetta” in IMAX. $11.50 per ticket. Normally, I would gag to pay that much to see a movie. Having said that, I normally don’t like movies nearly as much as I liked this one. I realized tonight that I’d much rather pay $11.50 for a decent, entertaining movie that doesn’t insult my intelligence than pay $8 for one that does.

I haven’t read the graphic novel but I did check out this site that details the main differences. Interestingly, they say both mediums play to their strengths. For example, I was worried that I’d get sick of the mask half-way through the movie but I didn’t; in fact, I think the mask was the most brilliant part. In Greek tragedy, the main character wears a tragic mask so you’ve got to see a dude like Oedipus with this horrific expression throughout the whole thing. It’s strange how a monoexpression can sometimes be more powerful than the whole range of emotions.

I’ve also got to hand it to the Wachowski brothers. No one else can really transmit that comic-bookiness to film like they can. The X-Men films, for all their competence, feel like movies about comic book characters. “The Matrix” and “V For Vendetta” feel like visual comic books, which is really cool.

Overall though, I wasn’t completely convinced by the story. It reminded me a lot of Frank Miller’s “Give Me Liberty” which I read in college. There’s something about these stories—they’re either too heavy-handed, or maybe it’s that I just can’t seem to suspend my belief all the way. Not sure.

I also thought there was a strong determinist streak to the movie which I always appreciate. It’s too late to go into a tirade on what determinism means (after all, there’s a decent Wikipedia article on the subject) but let me just say that determinism does not imply that all actions are futile or inherently meaningless. It is not a tool of the ruling class to keep the bourgeoise in their place. It most certainly is not anti-science and against inductive logic. [From that second link, I get a kick out of the line that the point of science is to distinguish between coincidence and events that are causally connected---the author apparently doesn't know that causality is one of the cornerstones for determinism, but whatever.]

Determinism suggests a person is a sum of their experiences. In every unique situation, your decisions are based on some prior set of experiences, which were influenced by a prior set of experiences, which were influence by a prior set of experiences, ad infinitum. To use “V For Vendetta” as an example, Evey becomes the natural successor to V not because she wants to, but because that’s what everything in her life leads up to. This might seem silly on first glance and it’s too late for me to stay up arguing with myself over the issue, but if you have ever said “Things happen for a reason,” and actually meant it, there’s at least a hint of determinist philosophy in your bones.

Anyway, it’s too late for me to blab any more. Bed beckons.

Current Mood - Tired |

Sent “Black Jack Davy” back out into the cold, cruel world today. To “Realms of Fantasy.” It’s the first time in 2.5 years I’ve sent something to them, and only my third submission ever to RoF.

I have a soft spot in my heart for this story. It was one of the first fully realized stories I wrote when common sense departed and I decided to try writing for fun and profit. This story got me into Clarion and, in its most recent incarnation, grad school. I’d love to find it a good home but it’s kind of a strange story and not easily classifiable. I’m tempted to think RoF could be a good fit. Time will tell.

This marks my sixteenth submission of the year and seven currently in the field. That’s lower than I wanted but on the other hand, I’m being more particular about where I send my stories and I’m more particular about what I’m sending out. A lot of the stuff I wrote last year is experimental. I goofed around with structure, POV, voice, etc. Most of the rejections were variations of “This was well written but it’s not really a story.” Could I sell those stories? Maybe. I’ll keep shopping them around to see if they strike someone’s fancy but I’m not really expecting anything.

I’ve got a whole slew of fully-realized stories that are either at their first markets or are being polished and fueled getting prepared for flight. When I’m proofing, I’m saying to myself, “This shit isn’t half bad.” I’ve got a few stories that I think ought to sell somewhere. Even if they don’t sell at the big five (Analog, Asimov’s, F&SF, Realms, Strange Horizons) I think they’ll find homes eventually. Most importantly, I feel good about them. They’re well written. I think they’re fun and interesting. And I can honestly say that a) they’re the best I can do at the moment, and b) I’m proud to have written them.

I still doubt my ability all the time and there’s a lot of room for improvement. But I’ve come a long, long way—at least in my head. Hopefully the change in the bibliography isn’t far behind.

Also on the writing front, I received my ballot for World Fantasy 2006 which reminded me I should be thinking about going. If anyone is in the Minneapolis–Madison–Chicago area and interested in car-pooling to Austin this November, let me know. Unless I can find cheap airfare (ha!) I’ll probably be driving. If I go at all. But I want to.

Current Mood - Good Enough |
Currently Listening To - The Clash - “The Clash”

Another two weeks, another set of pictures of the allergy-and-migraine-inspiring scenery around Chez Hergenrader.

Two weeks ago the back looked like this…	…and the front looked like this.
Today the back looks like this…	…and the front looks like this.

Okay, two more because you’ve been good. See if you can find Heineken in the photo to the left.

Can you find the Heiner?

Mole patrol.

Everything is up really early this year. Only the hastas remain sleepy. The lilac tree bloomed (yay!) which you can kind of see in the photo to the left. After the lilac, my second-fav thingy is the red, ornamental Japanese whatchacallit there in the center. Heiner likes to lounge under that one. Let me see if I can find a picture…ah, here it is:

Master of his domain. And…

Would you be afraid of this dog?

Athena: goddess of wisdom, strategic warfare, and sulking. Apparently.

Okay, okay, enough with the pictures.

Current Mood - Good (Despite the Weepy Eyes) |
Currently Listening To - Wilco - “A Ghost is Born”

In which I chap Jeff Ford’s ass with kisses. You can also read it on the Ellen Datlow/SCIFICTION appreciation site, so kindly created by Dave Schwartz.

Without further ado:

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Imagine Tony Soprano as an eloquent philosophy professor.

That was my first impression of Jeff Ford when I met him in June of 2004, when he and Kelly Link taught the last two weeks of the Clarion Writers Workshop. Jeff arrived in the midst of a critique session Monday morning and wasted no time in sharing his honest, intellectual, and astute observations on our stories.

In a thick Jersey accent. Punctuated with plenty of colorful language.

That morning was the first time I’d heard “Gabriel García Márquez” and “fuck” used in the same sentence. The amazing part? He made it work. I learned a lot those last two weeks, and I laughed a lot. I hadn’t read a lot Jeff’s stuff back then and I think I could be forgiven for assuming that most of his stories were both unapologetically crude and hilarious.

And I would have been flat out wrong.

Because if I had to use a single word to describe Jeff’s stories, that word would be “delicate.” Not in sense of being weak or fragile–far from it. Rather because his stories are characterized by fine workmanship and great sensitivity. He is as exacting and precise with his words as a master surgeon is with a scalpal. When he cuts, he cuts deep. But it’s for our own good. Really.

I could blather like this all day but luckily for you I’m supposed to talk about a story. Floating in Lindrethool. I couldn’t have picked a better one for an aspiring writer to take a turn at the knife. So let’s slice into it and study at the entrails, shall we?

Perhaps you’re wondering what makes it worth studying. The answer is stuff like this, taken from the story’s opening:

Eight men in black rain coats, white shirts and ties, and the company issued, indicative, derbies. They fanned out across the grim industrial cityscape, the soot falling like black snow around them. Each carried a valise in one hand and a large case with a handle in the other.

Forty-nine words, three sentences, and a world is born.

Soon we meet the dispirited, pantsless Slackwell sitting in his hotel room with a bourbon and cigarette, practicing his spiel that has, as his boss describes it, “all the allure of a drooping erection.” We pity the aptly-named Slackwell, but no one wants to read a story about a door-to-door salesman crying in his beer. Ford knows this all too well, and we immediately see what Slackwell is selling:

The black metal carrier bulged at the sides as if it housed an oversized bowling ball. The front panel opened on hinges, and he reached in and brought forth a large glass globe with a circular metal base. The base had dials and buttons on it, two jacks, a small speaker, and, in the back, a wound up thin electrical cord was attached. Thinktank, the name of the company was written across the metal in red letters and after it the model number 256-B. The globe above was filled with clear liquid and suspended at its center was a human brain.

Yes, that’s right. A human brain.

If you’re interested in the technical aspects of writing, take a look at the last sentence in the paragraph cited above. You could be a “good” writer and eliminate the use of the passive “was,” rewriting the sentence as: A human brain floated in the globe, suspended by clear liquid.”

Yet this sentence is clearly inferior. Look how the sentence structure–hell, the whole paragraph–draws you, like being caught in a whirlpool, to the stunning conclusion. I don’t know how many times I’ve admired this piece craftsmanship, but it’s more than a few. A good paragraph flows into the next one; a great paragraph catapults you through the end of the story. This is a great paragraph.

Writers, it has been said, need to hook the reader early. At this point in “Floating in Lindrethool,” this reader was grabbed hook, line, and sinker. We’re not even 700 words into the story, yet I’m ready to follow Ford off the edge of a cliff if that’s where he takes me.

And off the cliff is about where the story goes. If you thought Steve Martin had the whole “falling in love with a brain in a jar” market wrapped up with “The Man With Two Brains,” think again. Despite the absurdity of the conceit, you can’t help rooting for Slackwell as he fights to escape the prison of his life–and to help liberate the brain from its prison as well.

I’ve performed similar vivisections on some of Ford’s other stories, yet “Floating in Lindrethool” remains one of my favorites, probably because of its off-the-wall weirdness from start to finish. But no matter how many pieces I break it into, no matter how closely I study the sentences and paragraphs, it remains unique, inimitable, and 100% pure Jeff Ford. And as I’ve found in my research, that’s always worth the price of admission.

Other good news: in case you hadn’t noticed, wherever Ellen Datlow pops up as editor, Jeff Ford usually shows up as a contributor. So keep a keen eye out for where Ellen pops up next because another Jeff Ford classic won’t be far behind.

With affection,
Trent Hergenrader

PS - “Floating in Lindrethool” can be found in Jeff’s first collection, The Fantasy Writer’s Assistant and Other Stories. Also, check out his newest collection, The Empire of Ice Cream, now available.

Every week from now until the World Cup I’m going to analyze a group and give my predictions, moving from the least interesting groups to the most interesting, ending with what I consider the Group of Death. This week it’s Group A.

Group A
1	Germany
2	Costa Rica
3	Poland
4	Ecuador

My Prediction
Group Winner: Germany
Runner-Up: Poland

Germany’s World Cup will all come down to psychology. As tournament hosts, the German public expects nothing less than a spot in the final. Whether this is a realistic expectation or not is debatable, but the truth is this German team isn’t that great. That being said, they still have home advantage every game of the tournament and I can’t think of a better team than Germany to handle to pressure of expectation. This group will be a good warm-up for them and if they put in three solid performances, that could build their confidence and a place in the final isn’t unthinkable. Regardless, they’re winning this group with their typical, methodical, pounding style—because that’s what Germany does in World Cups.

If I drew up a short-list of teams guaranteed to go home in the first round, Costa Rica would be on it. The Ticos qualified for the WC with a modest 5-1-4 record, getting only one win and one draw away from home. If you check your atlas, Germany is away from home. This is the weakest Costa Rican team in years and I expect them to go winless this World Cup. Goal differential might make a difference deciding second place, so both Poland and Ecuador will have incentive to whip up on the Ticos. Can they manage a single draw? I don’t think so.

Ecuador finished third behind Brazil and Argentina from a relatively weak South American group. Still, this team is decent and could sneak out of the group but they need to beat Poland in their opener to make it happen. They should dispatch Costa Rica with little trouble but I’ve said it before and will say it again: playing European teams in Europe is hard. If the World Cup was anywhere but Europe I’d probably give Ecuador the nod. But the World Cup is in Germany and I think that will be the decider.

Poland is the poor man’s Germany. They’re less confident, less methodical, and less pounding. Poland always seems like a team in perpetual transition—they never quite have the right kinds of players to do any serious damage. Germany holds the psychological advantage over Poland so I don’t think the Poles can win that, but the other two games against non-European opponents will basically be home games. Ecuador will be the trickiest game, and I wouldn’t be too surprised if they went through to the second round at 1-2-0—drawing Germany and Ecuador and beating Costa Rica. Although it’s just as likely that they could go 2-0-1, losing only to Germany. Depends on how the ball bounces.

Summary
This is a tough group to call definitively. Germany should go through at 2-1-0 or 3-0-0 and be settled nicely for their second round match. Poland is unremarkable but home field advantage should push them past Ecuador, who still have a shot if Poland doesn’t close them down in midfield. Poland let the US dictate the pace in a friendly earlier this year and were on their heels for the better part of the game. If they try to absorb the pressure from Ecuador, they could find themselves chasing the game late. In short, the match between Ecuador and Poland will likely be the decider. If they draw, it’ll likely come down to goal differential and even that should be close, unless one team really plonks Costa Rica.

Half-way through and the groups are getting decidely more interesting.

Previous weeks: Group D, Group F, Group G
Next week, Group H: Spain, Ukraine, Tunisia, Saudia Arabia

Is there a reason I still feel compelled to spend an hour every Sunday watching “The Sopranos”? The mediocre seasons now outweigh the good ones 2-to-1.

I don’t know why the show has plummeted. Hubris? Boredom? Creative drought? What I do know is that the show’s vitality died with Pussy Bompensiero and Tony’s mom. Since then, there’s been a laundry list of characters brought in and then killed off, often in the same episode. The shows have had nothing but dead ends (what happened to the Russians? Furio?) and indulge in episodes about Christopher Columbus. Huh?

Worse, they’re repeating things they’ve already done. In season two, Pussy Bompensiero is seen in a far-flung party store with an FBI informant. This season, Vito’s seen in a gay bar dressed in a biker outfit. Artie already fell in love with the hostess (Adriana) who is mobbed up, yet he does it again? And why is Chris still pursuing his Hollywood dreams? Because it makes sense for the character, or because it allows the show’s writers to take pot-shots at the industry.

It’s still better than most television, but this explains why I don’t watch much tv. I can’t wait for “Deadwood” to start in June. Unless they ruin that, too.

There’s some controversy about how Tottenham scored their goal against Ars*nal this weekend. My take on it explains 1) why it’s utter nonsense, and 2) why I (and you) should hate Ars*nal. But I’m going to stick it below because it could get long.

(more…)

I finished the first chapter of “Literary Criticism: An Introduction” and it’s really getting the thoughts churning. What I find so interesting is how criticism really goes hand-in-hand with philosophy. Studying philosophy can radically shake (and shape) your outlook on life, but there’s a lot of philosophy that feels like textbook cases of mental masturbation.

Everything I have heard of New Criticism I have generally disliked, mostly because of the sancitmonious way in which its proponents act as though it’s the only game in town. Admittedly, I don’t know enough to argue otherwise and hopefully that will change in the near future as I learn more about the field.

I think it’s because of my more-or-less strong belief in determinism that feels incompatible with the “author doesn’t matter” aspect of New Criticism. To quote Wikipedia, “determinism is the philosophical proposition that every event, including human cognition and action, is causally determined by an unbroken chain of prior occurrences. No mysterious miracles or wholly random events occur.”

So with that in mind, every author’s personal experience (as well as a lot of unrelated incidents) will lead up to the writing of, say, Hemingway’s “For Whom the Bell Tolls.” New Criticism says (or at least from my understanding) that Hemingway doesn’t matter, it’s just the words on the page. To me this seems utterly counterintuitive. I don’t think the point of literary criticism is to pinpoint authorial intent, but I think understanding an author’s history may (or may not) open new interpretations to a work. For me, the litmus test is the plausibility of the reading.

For example, I recently read John Kessel’s criticism of Orson Scott Card’s “Ender’s Game” and found it compelling. In Kessel’s own words: “The result [of the events of Ender's Game is] a character who exterminates an entire race and yet remains fundamentally innocent. The purpose of this paper is to examine the methods Card uses to construct this story of a guiltless genocide, to point out some contradictions inherent in this scenario, and to raise questions about the intention-based morality advocated by Ender’s Game and Speaker for the Dead.”

Kessel never claims Card espouses these beliefs—again, the New Criticism “only the words on the page”—yet makes a strong case for this reading. What I find interesting is that Card is also a Mormon. There are a lot of things going on in terms of authoritarianism and personal destiny in “Ender’s Game” but, if I understand New Criticism correctly, it’s taboo to ascribe a “Mormon reading” to the novel. Or perhaps more accurately, that would be one interpretation; an interpretation which may be just as valid as say, a supported Hindu reading.

To me, this seems borderline absurd. I guess if one can make a strong argument for Hindu precepts in “Ender’s Game,” go for it. Can’t argue with the words on the page. Yet this also strikes me as an example of an academic simply jerking off. I doubt such a reading would be enlightening for the average reader, either for further insight into “Ender’s Game” or Hinduism; but it might be enlightening for the average reader to understand the book in the context of Mormon philosophy. Or it might not. So the concept that two well-supported arguments about the book (the hypothetical Hindu reading [which I'm sure doesn't exist] and the Mormon one) can co-exist as equals gives me a wet underwear feeling.

[My knowledge of Card, Mormonism, and Hinduism is all very general so don't drill me on specifics here. I actually read "Ender's Game" in a daym, was underwhelmed by it, and therefore don't think much about it.]

Rereading this, I realize I’m kind of all over the place but that’s why I titled this post “More for me than you.” I’m trying to hash all of this out. I guess the New Criticism critic would likely say that you wouldn’t need to know Card was a Mormon to make an educated Mormon reading, and I would probably agree—you don’t need to know, but is it disastrous if you do? I mean, using this example I would expect to be denounced for saying Card is a Mormon, as if that fact is not only irrelevant but actually damaging to that particular reading. (Which reminds me of the billion arguments I’ve had about Tolkien and Catholicism in Lord of the Rings. People always say that just because Tolkien is a Catholic doesn’t mean that that’s what the story is about—as if that line of reasoning wipes away the three hundred thousand examples of Catholic philosophy rooted at the core of the story. It’s almost as if Tolkien’s devout Catholicism negates any Catholic reading of the text…) But I also agree you shouldn’t read an author’s biography as a way to figure out what they’re going on about.

Okay, I’m done here. Time to go be disappointed in another episode of the Sopranos.

Current Mood - Brain Twisted |

Spurs and the Arse drew at Highbury, 1-1. Tottenham were actually just a few minutes away from winning 1-0 when Henry leveled the score. I can’t wait for him to go to Barcelona next season…

What does this mean? Spurs’ fate is still in their own hands. If they win their last two, they retain fourth place and should qualify for the Champions League. Allegedly, if the Arse win the Champions League then they get automatic entry into the tournament and England loses one spot—which would be the fourth-placed team, which would likely be Spurs. If this happens, I think there will be a lot of legal wrangling. Ever since the Champions League expanded to include more than league champions (and I could go on for days about this) it seems silly to deny teams from the big leagues entrance to the competition. In the end, it’s all about money, not fairness, and there’s a lot more money to be made having teams like Liverpool and Tottenham in the tournament than Molde FK from Norway. Besides, my prediction is that it will be Barcelona versus Ars*nal in the Champions League final and Barca will come out winners.

Which means the wrangling for fourth place in England would still be the decider.

Happily, Liverpool beat Chelski in the FA Cup semifinal. The Russians may win the Premier League for the second season in a row, but that’ll be their only trophy. You’d expect more considering the investment, wouldn’t you Jose?

We stopped by the open house for Club Bow-Wow which opens tomorrow. It’s a dog boarding house but it’s nice enough to house humans. I’m not kidding. Each dog gets their own personalized room with access to the outside, 2-hour group play sessions up to three times a day, and nightly turn-down service that includes guaranteed cuddle time before light’s out. The higher end units have their own televisions. Still not kidding.

Rates aren’t terrible at $30-$40 per day. That might sound like a lot but it’s conveniently located (over by Woodman’s and West Town Mall in Madison, if you’re familiar) and trying to line up someone to watch the dog for a weekend can take a lot of time. We’ve only kenneled Athena once for a long weekend; reports said she was well-behaved but sulked most of the time. That place only had one play session a day though, so I think the philosophy of keeping dogs busy will also keep them happy is correct.

Going in next door is 4 Paws Swim and Fitness, which is like a Bally’s for dogs. They have underwater treadmills and all sorts of other gadgets to help dogs get a lot of exercise. Our initial reaction was that the prices were too steep (about $30/session) but then we figured the sessions were pretty long (4 hours) and it would likely exhaust your dog. As all dog owners know, a tired dog is a good dog. Athena is basically built like an athlete—she’s lean, fast, and pretty much all muscle. Once she got used to it, she’d probably love it and I could see spending $30 to wear her out before a long car ride. We’re planning on driving to South Carolina (about 15 hours) later this summer, and it would be much nicer to share the car with a dog resembling a wet noodle instead of a coiled spring.

I also remarked to Amy while we were on the tour: “What percentage of America would think everyone here is absolutely nuts?”

Current Mood - Good! |

Almost forgot to mention for those that care, Tottenham play that other team from North London tomorrow, broadcast live on Fox Soccer Channel at 6:30 am CT. I will of course DVR it so I can rise at a more humane hour. This is really a winner-take-all affair as it will likely settle who finishes in fourth place and qualifies for next year’s Champions League.

What does manager Martin Jol have to say about the game? From Football365.com’s Mediawatch:

Quote Of The Day
“Hopefully we can go to Arsenal and keep a clean sheet. But it will be very difficult. Anything can happen at Highbury. Maybe hundreds of squirrels will come on to the pitch and we will have a problem. You cannot prepare for things like that. We will probably have to run from them” - Martin Jol, the man whose rise to the position of Mediawatch’s favourite manager took less time than it takes a squirrel to climb a tree and dodge Mediawatch’s swinging boot.

(for those not in the know, a squirrel on the pitch interrupted this week’s Champions League semifinal at Ars*nal against Villareal)

Also from Mediawatch:
Inevitable Squirrel Joke Of The Day
Do you think he heard about Sol Campbell going nuts?

(for those not in the know, Sol Campbell wigged out earlier this season, left the stadium at half-time, and was reported as saying he was leaving football forever)
(for those still not in the know, Sol Campbell was brought up through the Tottenham system and was their captain for a number years; yet when the time came, he ran out his contract and went to Spurs’ most-hated rivals after claiming repeatedly he was going to stay, thereby guaranteeing Spurs got nothing for him. Like most Tottenham supporters, I have several stock phrases I use for Sol Campbell, and nearly all them start with the letter “f” and work in the word “traitor” one way or another. Fans hanged Campbell’s effigy outside their stadium along with a placard reading “Judas” when the news broke. )

The United States moved into fourth place in the FIFA world rankings for April - its highest showing ever.

The Rankings
01  Brazil
02  Czech Rep.
03  Netherlands
04  USA
05  Spain
06  Mexico
07  France
08  Portugal
08  Argentina
10  England
11  Denmark
12  Nigeria
13  Turkey
14  Italy
15  Cameroon
16  Sweden
17  Japan
18  Egypt
19  Greece
19  Germany

This is perhaps the stupidest ranking ever and only highlights a number of silly things.

* Only two of the top five teams were seeded in the World Cup draw. Three of the top five won their qualifying groups (Brazil, Holland, USA) yet only one (Brazil) was seeded.

* Mexico, two spots behind the US at #6, was seeded ahead of the United States in the World Cup despite a) the US winning the regional championship, b) the US winning qualifying, and c) the US being higher ranked than Mexico in the FIFA list. Hmmm…

* The US moves up (?) after a 4-1 loss to #19 Germany.

* Four teams in the Top 20 (Nigeria, Turkey, Cameroon, Egypt) did not qualify for the World Cup.