I was googling around for an image of a maze I could use for an upcoming project when I stumbled on this page with a bunch of JPGs and animated GIFs. Even though some of them are definitely off-color (and a lot just aren’t that funny) it’s a quantity over quality issue here and I found myself laughing out loud (sorry, LOL) and couldn’t stop until I’d clicked on every one.

Two clean ones:

Many more dirty, violent, and cruel ones in the mix, the very definition of Not Work Safe (sorry, NWS).

Current Mood: Okay |

Recap: The number of guys fluctuated today, starting with twelve but soon swelled to the dreaded twenty-four, which meant two simultaneous games (four teams, six-a-side) with no subs. It topped out at twenty-eight (one sub per team) but that didn’t last that long.

Health Report: Good. Ankles held up well but the big problem today was sheer exhaustion. I actually stopped playing after 90 minutes because I was too pooped to continue and I was afraid I would injure myself.

Performance: Quite good. Lots of hard running and the guys playing were on the younger and fitter side, but that meant for good passing too. As time wore on the elastic in my legs wore out, meaning I lost some snap to my passes and I stumbled quite a bit. Balance is something I have a new appreciation for, as it goes quickly once the legs start to fatigue. But I pinged the ball pretty damn well before that.

Rating: — I’m being generous with the four-star rating here, but my drop in skill towards the end had everything to do with fatigue. I had a few zipping passes that warped the space-time continuum, two deliberate nutmeg passes, a number of decent goals, and my favorite—squeezing a few passes through a crowd of players that hits the feet of the striker on my team in front of goal with pace and accuracy that they’re not expecting it. (It’s actually quite funny when this happens: the guy runs to goal, calls for the ball, then lets up because he doesn’t think it’s coming. Then zip, the ball smacks him on the instep, and everyone razzes him for blowing a sitter. It’s much less funny when it happens to you of course, and it happens to almost everyone sooner or later.)

No wundergols today, though I did hit two beauties that each smacked the foot of the post, one a volley from distance, another from a tight angle. Until next week…

This site gets severely neglected in crunch times, and it’s crunch time. I was freaking out earlier about how I was going to get everything done by the end of the semester (Dec. 12 or so) but after mapping it all out I think I’ll be good to go. I realized today that a slow, steady approach is not what’s called for. I have about three major projects that I need to care of, and it makes way more sense to dedicate about a week to each while abandoning nearly everything else. This plan should keep me sane.

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I love my Packers, I really do, and to see them mercilessly whip up on the Bears was a joy to behold. They looked like world-beaters, even though I’m convinced that the NFC North has three average teams that aren’t going to the Super Bowl.

The Badgers have been so god-awful this season that I can hardly stand to watch. The only consolation this weekend was that you can always count on the Golden Vomit to botch things up worse than Wisconsin. Their complete capitulation inspired much laughter in my house.

Speaking of the corridors of Hergenrader echoing with laughter, how great was Aston Villa’s Arse smacking on Saturday? A fairer score probably would have been 4-0 as Villa played their hosts off the park. Seriously, to put in such a limp performance at home…why are there still headlines saying “Ars*nal Title Chances Dented”? I suspected that their win against Man Ure last weekend did more damage to the champions’ hopes of retaining the title than it did about Ars*nal’s credentials for staying in the race, and this result suggests I was right.

For the yutzes who haven’t yet come to grips with how these European leagues work—it doesn’t matter how pretty you play or the big teams you beat, it all comes down to the season-long table. If you’re like the Arse and you’re nine points off the pace with a third of the season gone, not only do you need to basically be flawless from here on out, you need to have the three teams ahead of you all drop more points than you do. For a side that’s already lost four (two at home), that doesn’t seem too likely, does it?

The major misconception is that unlike baseball, basketball, or American football, there is no “peaking at the right time” in regards to the regular season. Mediocre teams like the NY Giants managed to get hot in December and that paved the way to the Super Bowl. Not so in the league for footie. That holds true for the cup competitions, but it’s quite often that teams are mortally wounded by November and December and there is no coming back. The only recent exception is Kevin Keegan’s Newcastle blowing a ten-point lead in the ‘95-’96 season, but I can’t see Benitez’s Liverpool or Scolari’s Chelski wobbling that badly. Nor can I see this Ars*nal crop making up the ground.

Still awfully tight, tight, tight though.

Current Mood: Sure |

Recap: A sparser showing today, two teams with about three subs each. Teams were generally equal in talent, although the opposing side had two college-aged guys that really helped carry their team.

Health Report: Fine. My ankle is sore from more from the brace I’m wearing, and man are my muscles sore but no kicks, knocks, or bruises.

Performance: Okay. The first two or three shifts were diabolical but I gradually got into the groove and by the end I was playing pretty well. I scored twice with my left foot and that doesn’t happen often, and I cheekily lobbed the goalkeeper from about eight feet out. That got quite a few laughs.

Rating: — The day averaged out to three stars—two to begin with and four towards the end. Really, I was pretty awful for the first twenty minutes or so and it didn’t help that I kept get on the same shift with a mouthy guy who is quite good but is very temperamental and stops running when he doesn’t get the ball where he wants it, when he wants it, and another guy who is a classic pickup stereotype—the guy whose friends are incredibly good and he’s average at best, but likes to think he’s just as good as they are.

He liked to shoot. A lot. From distance. From impossible angles. Through crowds. Through brick walls. And he seemed to be under the impression that if he could hit the ball hard enough that it somehow made up for the fact that it was generally off target. And if you’re me and you’ve just run thirty yards to join in the attack, I certainly don’t want to be told that I should make a better run to pull defenders away so this guy can (you guessed it) get a clearer shot. Nope, generally not a way to endear yourself to me.

Still, the footie makes me very happy. Even if I will be condemned to wheelchair by the time I’m forty.

I’m kicking myself because on Friday I was thinking, “You know what’s going to happen on Saturday? Ars*nal is going to beat Man Ure and all the bandwagon jumpers will exclaim with delight that they’re back in the title race. Of course, this is exactly what happened even though lots of folks were expecting a 6-0 thumping by the champions. However, I contend that this game will mean more for Man Ure’s season than Ars*nal’s, mostly because both of these teams still trail the front-running Chelski and Liverpool by six-to-eight points (although Man Ure has a game in hand).

These opinions are supported by this article on Soccern*t that statistically shows that the head-to-head results of the top four have not been the deciding factor in determining who wins the title, but rather it’s the results against the smaller teams that make the difference. Ars*nal may win the Big Four “mini-league” with their slick attacking soccer, but as long as the Fulhams, the Hulls, and the Stokes of the world can shove them around, I see them dropping points all over the place—and the weather hasn’t even gotten bad yet. Man Ure don’t have that same kind of frailty but they do seem to be going through the motions a lot of the time. They appeared to be on auto-pilot for long stretches against Celtic in the Champions League. The big difference for me is that unlike last year, Chelski is not stuttering. And then there’s the question of whether Liverpool can keep (or set) the pace.

For my money, I think Chelski wins the title and Liverpool and Man Ure split second and third. The bigger question is whether the Arse can finish fourth. I think they can, but mostly because I don’t see Aston Villa finding that next gear. It’s still early days but these teams’ natures seem to have taken shape.

Oh, and for all the doubters out there, Spurs have now won three and drawn one in the league and are out of the drop zone. They’re still too far out to make a realistic charge on the UEFA Cup spots but it’s hard to see them making a serious U-turn and heading back down. The bottom half of the table is separated by a grand total of three points—the 20th team has 11 points whereas the 10th has 14. Tight, tight, tight.

Recap: My first outing of the fall/winter/spring noon/pickup/indoor season, which will probably be limited to Wednesdays and maybe some Mondays based more on businesses than anything. Started late (per usual) with about 16 guys that grew to a max of 22 (two teams of 6 plus five subs). Pretty good numbers all around and a good spread of age, and generally high quality of play.

Health Report: Good, although I have my left ankle wrapped up to the point of being just short of a plaster cast. No knocks, strains, or stretches. No foot stomps, blisters, or kicks.

Performance: Actually, quite good. In my first shift I had not one but two nifty backheel passes that earned me the vaunted “ooohs” from the players on the bench. I had one awful shift, but managed to squeeze in some good tight passing and scored on a friggin’ Howitzer from distance that kissed the post. One of the best—if not the best—goal I’ve scored in indoor. In fairness, my performance was enhanced by the fact that my team was better and the demographic was a bit older than the norm, but it was a good day.

Rating: — A solid four-star performance. I had a shift that was dire and two handfuls of bad touches here and there, but more often than not I found myself getting the job done for our side. And remembering the echo of the ball smacking the plexiglass behind the net on my wundergol will keep me pleased for days.

I received word from the UWM English Department that Professor James Liddy passed away this morning at Columbia Hospital, aged 74.

Not being a poet and not being Irish, I hadn’t heard of Liddy before beginning my classes as a grad student at UWM, but it wasn’t long until I figured out that James Liddy was a very large figure in poetry circles indeed. He has published many books of poetry, and has had critical works and tributes written about and for him. I also know his presence was a big reason why some of my fellow grad students came to UWM.

On a more personal note, James was my advisor when I started classes. He took me out to lunch and told me numerous stories about UWM that would have made university administrators blush. I took two of his classes, and he served on my Masters committee. He pointed me to authors I otherwise would have never known, and was very complimentary of my fiction (less so of my attempts at poetry - ) and for that I am very grateful.

It’s too bad the word maverick has been thrown around so much lately because the word describes James very well. He was genuine in everything he did, and the department will be something less without him.

Current Mood: Suddenly Very Pensive and Sad |

Right, so lots of morons were flapping their lips about how Ars*nal was going to be a contender for both the Premier League and Champions League. They’ve now pulled a Liverpool, having seen their title aspirations basically over by November. They haven’t played many teams in the top half of the table yet have still managed to draw to Spurs and lose to Stoke this week. The point gap isn’t great, but the psychological one is enormous. On the bright side (from them), they might take a page from Liverpool’s book and focus more on the Champs League this year.

And as far as the bottom of the table goes, again, hats off to the morons. Teams ten through twenty are now separated by a staggering four points. To put the table in further perspective, Spurs are now six point away from seventh place—the same number of points Ars*nal are off the title race. So sorry morons, Spurs are not favorites to go down after having taken four points off two of the Big Four in the span of a few days. It could still happen, but it’s seems highly unlikely.

Their win over Liverpool was extremely lucky and they were dire in the first half. Liverpool should be kicking themselves for not finishing off the game in half-dozen chances they had to double their lead, but the shots of the fans crapping themselves after the winner were pretty priceless.

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Halloween went very well, as we attended a rip-roarin’ party hosted by our friends Matt and Chris. Here’s a look at our costumes: that’s me as Bob Ross, Chris as Lewis from Revenge of the Nerds, Steven as Abe Froman from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, and Nate as Crocket from Miami Vice. The girls were Jenny as Cheetara from Thundercats, Fung as Siouxsie from Siouxsie and the Banshees, Amanda as Strawberry Shortcake, and Amy as Rainbow Brite.

On Saturday we went to Wisconsin’s largest corn maze (a-mazing!) where you had to find mailboxes containing the next piece of the map. Fun stuff for a slightly hungover crew as we made friends with a pig, a turkey and a horse. Clicking will earn you bigger pictures.

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Current Mood: Tired, but What’s New? |
Currently Listening To - The Hold Steady - “Stay Positive”

Yes, I know that Spurs are a complete laughing stock, however I do spare some chuckles for the “elite” team of Norf London. The Arse, who some deluded morons still think have a chance at the title, allow poor, troubled Tottenham to muster a 4-4 draw, scoring two goals in the final two minutes.

Ars*nal fans, consider your team’s record: 6-2-2 over 10 games.

How many of those ten games have been against teams in the bottom half of the table? Give up? Yeah, eight. And the two teams in the top half of the table? That would be Sunderland (at #10) and Hull City (at #5). Points taken against those two teams? Yes, that’s right, one point. One. Earned as a late, late draw against Sunderland. No Man Ure yet. No Liverpool yet. No Chelski yet. Just thought I’d mention it.

And what I love about delusional Ars* fans (in addition to their failure to understand that both Portsmouth and Tottenham have won more trophies in the last few seasons) is that these are the same jackasses who call Fox Football Fone-In saying Tottenham are going down. Look kids, Spurs are now a whopping three points from safety and in case you haven’t noticed, Fulham, Bolton, West Brom, Stoke, Wigan, and Newcastle are all relative crap. Yes, they’re in the cellar now, and yes, they’ll probably be in the cellar for the next couple weeks, but let’s check in around New Year’s and see how they’re doing. The old cliche’ that the league is marathon not a sprint is just as true for the foot of the table as it is for the champions.

Current Mood: Chuffed |

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I finished Harry Matthew’s The Journalist yesterday and quite enjoyed it although, like many books in my restrictions and obstructions class, it wouldn’t appeal to a broad audience. The central idea is that the narrator has suffered a breakdown of some sort and has decided to write a journal to track the events of his life. He is having an affair with his brother-in-law’s wife, his son is acting strangely, and he’s stuck in a dull job. Early on, he stops taking his lorarzepan, and as the medication wears off, his paranoia increases and he begins obsessively detailing the minutia of his life in his journal and develops an impossibly complex categorization to track his thoughts, feelings, dreams, and “objective” statements. As I said in class, I liked the book’s strong database aesthetic.

I also picked up a number of books from Half-Price books last weekend, all of which will be on my Ph.D. preliminary exams: The Tin Drum, Dorderlands/La Frontera, The Death of Artemio Cruz, Song of Solomon, and House of Spirits. I also checked out from the library Magic(al) Realism: A New Critical Idiom by Maggie Bowers (which looks concise), and Magic Realism: Theory, History, and Community by Zaomra et al. (which looks comprehensive). These two critical books should help me flesh out my “major” area, which is mostly going to be classics of “magical realism” and contemporary fantasy/slipstream.

I also received my mid-term evaluations for the composition course I’m teaching and the results were very positive. There were a few blase’ responses, but the only sharp comments were directed at the assignments (which I have no control over) and the format of the course (small group discussion, large group discussion, and paper writing…is that really a fair criticism of a course entitled “Introduction to College Writing”?).

Otherwise, my semester works like this: busy Monday, crushed on Tuesday, recover Wednesday, suffer Thursday, work like hell Friday, recover Saturday/Sunday. All things being equal, I prefer a steady schedule that keeps me busy rather than this peak-valley-peak-valley routine, which absolutely exhausts me.

The ankle is feeling almost back to normal after rolling it Saturday—a four-day turnaround, about par for the course. I will probably give indoor a go on Monday, so wish me luck…

Current Mood: Sure |
Currently Listening To - The Hold Steady - “Almost Killed Me”